Grief can be lonely even when you have good people in your life.
Friends may care deeply and still not know what to say. Family members may be grieving the same person in completely different ways. As the weeks and months pass, other people often return to their routines while your relationship with the loss continues to change.
This is one reason grief support groups can be helpful. You are spending time with people whose stories may be very different from yours, but who understand something about what it is like to live with loss.
If loneliness itself has become a big part of your grief, you may want to start with What No One Tells You About Grieving Alone. Here, I want to focus specifically on what can happen when grieving people come together.
Why grief groups feel different
When I was grieving some of the losses that eventually led me to this work, I didn't know grief support groups existed. I mostly figured things out on my own. It wasn't until I began studying grief professionally that I had the opportunity to observe groups and eventually facilitate them myself.
What struck me then, and what I still see now, is how quickly people recognize parts of their own experience in someone else's story. Someone talks about being exhausted by paperwork after a death. Another person admits they are angry. Someone misses having a person to text about ordinary things. Another is surprised by how hard a seemingly insignificant change has been.
The details are different, but there is often a moment of recognition: I know something about that.
That can be especially valuable when you have started to feel different from the people around you. In a grief group, nobody is surprised that something still hurts months or years later, or that you can have a good day and miss someone terribly at the same time.
What happens when grieving people get together
One of the things I appreciate most about grief groups is that they make room for the person who died to remain part of the conversation. You can say their name, tell a story, talk about what you miss, or acknowledge parts of the relationship that were difficult.
You also get to see how varied grief really is. One person may want to talk about their loss often while another needs breaks from it. Some people cry easily. Others don't. There can be sadness, anger, relief, guilt, gratitude, numbness, laughter, and sometimes several of those in the same conversation.
Hearing those differences can help loosen the idea that there is a particular way you should be doing this.
You don't have to speak every time, either. Listening can be useful in its own way. Someone may put words to something you haven't been able to name yet, or share an experience that gives you a different way to think about your own.
There is often more laughter in grief groups than people expect, too. Grief is serious, but grieving people are still whole people. Humor, affection, frustration, ordinary life, and memories all come into the room with us.
What I've learned from facilitating grief groups
After years of sitting with grieving people, I don't think the value of a group comes from everyone having the same experience. They don't. Even two people grieving the same person can have very different relationships with the loss.
What matters is having a place where those differences are allowed.
This is also why I don't believe grief support should be limited to talking. Talking can be exactly what you need, but grief also shows up in your body, your thoughts, your sleep, your relationships, and the parts of daily life that used to feel automatic.
In the groups I facilitate, I bring in mindfulness, meditation, journaling, self-compassion, movement, and grief education because they give you different ways to work with what is happening. A conversation may help you understand something. A meditation may help you notice what is happening in your body. Journaling can give you a way to explore something privately before you decide whether you want to talk about it.
The point isn't to become good at any of these practices. They give you more ways to notice what you need and respond to your grief with awareness and choice.
This approach is part of my 8-Step Mindfulness & Grief System, which has shaped the way I teach and facilitate grief support.
Finding support that fits
Grief groups vary quite a bit. Some are organized around a particular kind of loss, while others bring together people with different experiences. Some focus almost entirely on conversation. Others include education or practices you can use between meetings.
The facilitator matters, too. So does the culture of the group. You want to know that your experience can be different from someone else's without either person being told there is a right way to grieve.
If a group sounds like the kind of support you want, I have a separate guide on how to choose a grief support group that can help you think through what to look for.
You may also decide that a group isn't what you need right now. Individual support, meditation, journaling, grief education, or a combination may fit better. My Grief Support Guide walks through those options and can help you decide where you want to begin.
Practice and community in the Mindfulness & Grief School
Awaken is the live Mindfulness & Grief Support part of my Mindfulness & Grief School. We meet online twice a week to explore grief through mindfulness, reflection, practical tools, and conversation.
The School also includes a weekly Meditation & Journaling group, courses and guided practices you can use on your own, and a private community. I wanted these different kinds of support in one place because grief changes. What is useful on a Tuesday afternoon may be completely different from what you need on Saturday morning.
You can come to Awaken when you want conversation and connection. You can meditate or journal when you want time with your own experience. You can learn more about grief when information would be useful.
Try what interests you. Keep what helps. Leave the rest.
If you have been grieving mostly on your own and would like a regular place to practice and connect with other people who understand loss, you can learn more about the Mindfulness & Grief School.
