Grief during the holidays creates a perfect storm where joyous memories crash against reality and expectations. This emotional clash can be especially tough when the person grieving is a child. Parents and caregivers may wonder how to balance the holiday spirit while honoring the complexity of grief.

Supporting a child through holiday grief isn’t about making things perfect. It’s about creating space for their emotions while fostering comfort, connection, and even moments of joy. Here’s a compassionate guide combining practical strategies and meaningful activities to help children cope with grief during the holidays.

A Story From a Grieving Child During The Holidays

I know this firsthand. On October 18, 1977, my uncle Doug died by suicide. I was seven years old.

While I don’t remember the specifics of the Thanksgiving and Christmas that followed, what stands out is that everyone tried to act normal when our situation was anything but. Even though her son had died just a month earlier, my grandmother cooked a full holiday meal, invited the whole extended family, and tried to carry on. That was her choice, and maybe doing something “normal” brought her some comfort. But I now know that her lifelong coping strategy for my uncle’s death was denial, and I sense that staying busy was her way of avoiding deep pain. I wish it could have been different for her—for all of us—but it wasn’t.

My main memory of that holiday season is feeling confused and sad—mainly because no one was really talking about Doug. I wanted to talk about my uncle, and it felt strange that he was hardly mentioned. My mother and I discussed him in private, but as a family, there was no acknowledgment of the person who was no longer there.

I find it interesting that National Children’s Grief Awareness Day falls just a week before Thanksgiving. That’s exactly when I could have used it most as a kid! In honor of this important cause—and for the grieving child I carry inside and the heartbroken families navigating a difficult season—this feels like the right time to reflect on ways we can support children through their grief during the holidays.

7 Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays

1. Acknowledge Their Grief and Emotions

Children may struggle to express their grief, especially when surrounded by holiday cheer. Letting them know it’s okay to feel a range of emotions—sadness, anger, joy, or confusion—helps normalize their experience. 

• Validate Feelings: Use reassuring phrases like, “It’s okay to feel sad or miss someone this holiday season.”
• Normalize Mixed Emotions: Help them understand it’s normal to feel both happiness and grief at the same time.
• Model Emotional Honesty: Share your feelings appropriately to show them that grief is a shared experience.

2. Create Safe Spaces for Conversations

Children may worry that talking about their loved one will upset others. Reassure them that it’s safe to express what’s on their minds. 

• Storytime Conversations: Read age-appropriate grief-related books together to spark dialogue.
• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Gently prompt with questions like, “What’s something you miss about [loved one’s name]?”
• Heart-to-Heart Time: Create space for quiet, one-on-one chats during calming activities like coloring or crafting.

3. Involve Children in Meaningful Activities

Creative activities can help children express their feelings and stay connected to family traditions. Engaging in thoughtful projects fosters a sense of inclusion and comfort.

• Memory Wreaths: Write favorite memories on strips of paper to create a meaningful wreath.
• Craft Keepsakes: Make ornaments featuring a loved one’s photo or favorite colors.
• Baking Memories: Prepare holiday cookies or meals their loved one enjoyed, sharing stories while you bake.

4. Honor Their Loved One with Special Traditions

Honoring a loved one’s memory through traditions can create comfort and connection during the holidays.

• Memory Jar: Write memories on slips of paper to read together or save for future holidays.
• Special Ornament or Stocking: Add a personalized ornament to the tree or hang a stocking filled with messages and notes.
• Place of Honor: Light a special candle at the holiday dinner table or set an honorary place.

5. Allow This Year to Be Different

The holidays after a loss will never be the same—and that’s okay. Allow yourself and your child to create new traditions or skip activities that feel too difficult this year.

• Skip or Modify Traditions: Let children choose which traditions to keep and which to change.
• Start Something New: Create a fresh tradition like a memory walk, lighting a remembrance candle, or writing holiday letters to their loved one.
• Give Permission to Opt-Out: Let children know it’s okay to take a break from holiday events if emotions run high.

6. Maintain Routines While Allowing Flexibility

Familiar routines can offer comfort during the holidays, but it’s also essential to adapt schedules if they feel too overwhelming.

• Keep Key Traditions: Continue traditions that feel meaningful but modify them as needed.
• Offer Choices: Allow children to decide which holiday events they’d like to participate in.
• Be Flexible: It’s okay to skip certain gatherings if emotions run high. Focus on creating a safe and supportive holiday experience.

7. Understand Developmental Perspectives

Children process grief differently based on their age, maturity, and understanding of death. Recognizing where they are developmentally helps you provide the right kind of support.

• Young Children: Use simple, clear language and reassure them that they are loved and safe.
• School-Age Children: Offer space for questions and discussions, while involving them in family rituals.
• Teens: Be open to deeper conversations while respecting their desire for independence or privacy.

8. Practice Mindfulness and Emotional Expression

Mindfulness can help children manage grief by encouraging emotional awareness and fostering calm.

• Memory Drawing: Invite your child to draw a favorite moment with their loved one.
• Journaling Prompts: Use prompts like, “I remember when we…” or “I feel close to them when…” to encourage written or artistic expression.
• Breathing Breaks: Teach simple breathing exercises for emotional regulation during tough moments.

9. Don’t Pretend Everything Is OK

Children are incredibly perceptive and will notice when something is off. Pretending everything is fine may confuse them or make them feel they need to hide their emotions.

• Be Honest: Use age-appropriate language to explain what’s happening and why things might feel different this year, allowing their questions to guide the conversation.
• Acknowledge the Hard Stuff: Say things like, “I know the holidays feel different without [loved one’s name]. It’s okay to feel sad.”
• Reassure with Love: Let them know it’s okay to feel sad and still find joy. Both emotions can coexist.

10. Seek Extra Support When Needed

Some children may need additional help to navigate their grief, especially if they’re showing signs of distress beyond typical grief responses.

• Behavioral Changes: Watch for prolonged withdrawal, aggression, or trouble concentrating.
• Persistent Sadness: If they seem stuck in sadness or unable to engage in daily life.
• Professional Support: Consider grief counseling, school counselors, or local bereavement programs. Your local hospice will have a list of community resources, and may even have programs for children no matter how your loved one died.

Most of these tips are useful for grieving children, not only during the holidays but throughout the year. Keep in mind that, other than loving them and allowing them to share their memories and needs, there are no hard and fast rules, just guidelines. To learn more about this subject, listen to Children & Grief: How To Help Kids Cope With Loss Early In Life with Jana DeCristofaro, LCSW on the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast.

Help Yourself First When You are Helping Your Child

Supporting a grieving child during the holidays can be emotionally draining, especially if you’re grieving too. I want you to remember that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and your well-being directly impacts the comfort and stability you can offer your child.

Take small moments just for you—whether it’s stepping outside for fresh air, calling a supportive friend, or simply sitting with a warm cup of tea. Prioritizing your emotional health not only strengthens you but also shows your child that it’s okay to care for themselves, too. You’re doing the best you can—and that’s enough.

If you need extra support, please join me in Awaken, my online grief support group.

Grief is a journey, not a task to complete. With your steady presence and loving support, children can honor their loved one’s memory while discovering hope and meaning in the holidays—and beyond.