Grief during the holidays can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, pulling you between heartache and moments of bittersweet memory. But each holiday you face gives you a chance to learn, grow, and prepare for what’s next. It’s not about making it perfect—it’s about finding ways to honor your emotions while creating space for love.
If you were grieving, Thanksgiving may have felt like walking through a minefield of emotions. Now Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or New Year’s is looming on the horizon, and you might be wondering: Will the next holiday feel just as hard?
Even if you prepare for the inevitable holiday grief challenges (see my Grief-Sensitive Holiday Planner), the reality is that we can not control everything. We simply do whatever we can to ease our own suffering.
Here’s the thing—you survived your first holiday without your loved one. It may not have been easy, and it likely brought up more pain than you expected, but you made it through. That’s worth honoring. And now, you have the opportunity to take what you’ve learned from Thanksgiving to prepare for what’s next.
How mindfulness can help you prepare for the next round of holiday grief triggers
Grief can narrow our focus, pulling our attention to what went wrong or what hurt the most. That’s natural—it’s how our brains process difficult experiences. But mindfulness gives us the chance to widen that lens. It lets us acknowledge the pain while noticing neutral and even pleasant moments, too.
Mindfulness isn’t about ignoring your heartache; it’s about tending to it while learning from your experiences. This is how you approach the next holiday with intention, so it feels just a little bit more manageable—or maybe even meaningful.
A mindful guide to reflect, honor, and adapt
In this article, I’m sharing a practice we use every year in my Awaken Grief Support Group. It’s designed to help you reflect on Thanksgiving, integrate the lessons it taught you, and prepare for whatever holiday comes next. Together, we’ll find ways to honor your grief and build resilience for the season ahead.
Step 1: Find a Quiet Place
Schedule some time alone to be with yourself, in a space that is quiet and where you won’t be disturbed.
Step 2: Become the Observer
Imagine putting on a lab coat and stepping back from your Thanksgiving experience as if you’re a curious scientist observing the event from a distance. This isn’t about judgment or blame—it’s about noticing. Adopting an objective attitude helps create space between you and your emotions, making it easier to reflect.
Step 3: Make Three Lists
In your grief journal or on any piece of paper, make three lists:
- What Didn’t Go Well: Write down anything that felt difficult, uncomfortable, or painful during Thanksgiving. Maybe it was a triggering comment from a relative, the weight of an empty chair at the table, or just feeling overwhelmed by it all.
- What Went Well: Reflect on any moments of peace, comfort, or connection. It could be something small, like a kind word, a dish you enjoyed, or a quiet moment where you felt grounded.
- What Were the Results: Note the overall outcome of the day. Did you learn something about yourself? Did you manage to get through it, even if it wasn’t perfect?
This step helps you see the holiday as a whole—not just through the lens of grief, but as a mix of experiences.
Step 4: Pause and Reset
Put the list aside for now. Take a few minutes to reconnect with your body and senses. Notice your breath and your muscles. Notice what you hear, smell, and see. Give yourself a chance to rest and just focus on yourself for now.
Step 5: Review Your List
Pick up your list and review what you wrote in the same objective way. What stands out to you? Are there any patterns or revelations? For example:
- Were there specific situations or people that triggered stress or comfort?
- Did you notice anything you did that helped or hurt your experience?
- Is there something about the day that surprised you, either in a positive or challenging way?
Step 6: Make a Plan for Next Time
Now that you’ve reflected on Thanksgiving, think about how you want to approach the next holiday gathering. Ask yourself:
- What do I want to do differently?
- How can I create more space for comfort or peace?
- Are there boundaries I need to set? Support I need to ask for?
For example:
- Maybe you realize that large gatherings are too overwhelming and decide to skip the next one. (Check out my article on how to say no to holiday events for tips on doing this kindly and confidently.)
- Perhaps you learned that you need more resilience or self-care leading up to the holiday, like taking time for rest or connecting with a support group.
- Or maybe you simply recognize that you did the best you could and survived a difficult day—that in itself is something to honor.
This is not about perfection
Grief is always hard, and the holidays often add extra weight. But it’s also important to remember that you have some control over how you approach the season. You can reflect, make adjustments, and take intentional steps to create a better experience next time—even if it’s just a little better.
And nothing about this is permanent. The way you feel now, the way your holidays unfold—these things can and will change over time.
You don't have to do this alone
If this exercise feels overwhelming or you’re struggling with what to do next, know that you’re not alone. In my Awaken Grief Support Group, we work through practices like this together, offering each other compassion, support, and understanding.
You don’t have to face the holidays alone. Whether you’re building resilience, finding community, or simply being with others who “get it,” Awaken is here to help.
Visit Awaken Grief Support to learn more and join us for the support you deserve this season.
