Self-compassion as self-care for grief is the practice of making skillful choices that will reduce suffering and improve the quality of your life. It goes beyond creating healthy habits, such as exercise, a balanced diet, drinking plenty of water and getting the right amount of sleep – though these can all help with grief.

How Being Kind to Yourself Can Ease Isolation and Suffering After Loss

Grief can make even the most crowded room feel empty. After a loss, we often look around and wonder where our support went—or why no one seems to understand. And sometimes, even if people show up, we still feel alone.

Self-compassion as self-care for grief is the practice of making skillful choices that reduce suffering and improve the quality of your life. It’s more than bubble baths and comfort food. It’s a relationship with yourself—one that allows you to be honest, tender, and present in the middle of pain.

It’s also a way to feel less alone, especially when others can’t be there for you.

Explore grief support groups and private sessions

Self-Compassion Goes Beyond Routine Self-Care

Self-care advice is everywhere—but in grief, the usual checklists often fall short. While a warm bath or a walk around the block might feel good, they may not reach the depth of your suffering.

True self-care isn’t just about what you do. It’s about how you treat yourself while you’re doing it.

If you’re going through the motions—eating well, exercising, “doing the right things”—but doing it from a place of pressure or self-judgment, you’re missing the point. What matters is how you show up for yourself, not just what you do.

This is why self-compassion meditation can be such a profound act of care. It offers a space where your only job is to be with yourself, kindly and without needing to fix anything. You’re not trying to feel better—you’re practicing being on your own side.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. What soothes you today may not help tomorrow. But self-compassion gives you the flexibility to adjust—to meet yourself, again and again, with grace.

Self-Compassion and the Heart of Suffering

The word compassion means “to be with suffering.” With self-compassion, you are both the one in pain and the one who offers care.

You might already know how you want to be treated when you’re hurting. Gentle voice. Presence. Kindness. Self-compassion means giving that same treatment to yourself.

Instead of spiraling into self-criticism, you pause. You acknowledge the pain. And you ask, What can I do to be kind to myself right now?

This can feel radical when you're grieving. But it’s how you begin to rebuild safety—from the inside out.

The Three Components of Self-Compassion

Dr. Kristin Neff identifies three elements of self-compassion:

• Self-Kindness: Caring about yourself and taking wise action to alleviate your suffering.
• Common Humanity: Remembering that grief, vulnerability, and emotional pain are part of the human experience.
• Mindfulness: Relating to your experience with balance and clarity—even when your world feels turned upside down.

This isn’t about pushing pain away. It’s about staying present with your reality, with gentleness.

And that includes loneliness.

When Loneliness Follows Loss

One of the most painful parts of grief is the loneliness it brings. You may feel disconnected from your people, your routines, your sense of who you were. Friends may vanish. Conversations grow awkward. Support may be inconsistent—or completely missing.

Loneliness isn’t just a symptom of isolation. It’s a wound of grief. And it’s not talked about nearly enough.

The five stages of grief don’t mention it at all. But most grieving people I’ve worked with say loneliness is one of the hardest parts.

This kind of emotional loneliness doesn’t mean you’re grieving wrong—it means you’re human.

Self-compassion doesn’t erase loneliness, but it helps you hold it without spiraling. It gives you a way to sit with the ache without turning on yourself in the process.

(For more, see Why Grief Feels So Lonely)

When Support Falls Short

Grief isn’t just about missing the person who died—it’s also about facing how others respond to your pain.

You might feel like the people you counted on aren’t there. You might question why no one reaches out—or feel disappointed when they do and say the wrong thing.

This lack of support adds another layer of grief. And it often triggers self-criticism:

• “I should be over this.”
• “No one wants to be around me.”
• “I’m too much.”

This is where self-compassion becomes essential. It allows you to say: This hurts. I wish they had shown up differently. And I’m still allowed to need care.

You can begin offering that care to yourself right now.

Read: What No One Tells You About Grieving Alone

What Gets in the Way of Self-Compassion

There are real cultural barriers to self-compassion.

We’re taught that strength looks like self-sacrifice. That grief has a timeline. That we’re only lovable when we’re happy.

So when loss breaks us open, we assume we’re doing it wrong. I hear this all the time:

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s been months. I can’t stop crying.”

And there it is. The moment we turn a natural human response into something shameful.

Even I struggled with this after my stepfather died. Despite years of training and teaching others to practice self-compassion, I found myself being hard on myself. It’s not about knowing better. It’s about choosing kindness, over and over, even when it feels unfamiliar.

Self-Compassion for Loneliness: Why It Matters

When loneliness sets in, we often start self-abandoning:

• Dismissing our needs
• Isolating emotionally
• Criticizing how we feel

Self-compassion offers a path back to presence.

It helps you:

• Stay connected to your emotional life
• Recognize what you truly need
• Build internal trust, so you can navigate relationships more clearly
• Reconnect with others without self-erasing

Studies show that higher self-compassion is associated with lower loneliness and greater emotional resilience (Akin & Eroglu, 2019).

If you’re ready to take the next step outward, read:
Rebuilding Your Social Life After a Loss

Techniques to Practice Self-Compassion in Grief

Be Your Own Best Friend

Start by listening to your inner voice. Would you speak to a friend the way you’re speaking to yourself? If the answer is no, it’s time to shift your tone.

Celebrate every time you notice the habit of self-criticism and choose to change course. That awareness alone is an act of compassion.

Try a Formal Practice

• Lovingkindness meditation (metta): This practice helps you cultivate warmth and goodwill by silently repeating phrases like "May you be free from suffering as I wish to be free from suffering" or "May we all feel safe." Over time, it opens the heart toward yourself and others, and reduces feelings of isolation.
• R.A.I.N. practice: Recognize what you’re feeling, Allow it to be there, Investigate with curiosity, and Nurture yourself in response. RAIN allows you to sit with difficult emotions mindfully and lovingly—especially helpful when grief feels overwhelming or confusing.
• Tonglen (giving and receiving compassion through the breath): In this meditation, you breathe in suffering (your own or others') and breathe out compassion. This isn't about taking on other people's suffering, but acting as a transformative vessel. It helps build emotional resilience and a sense of shared humanity by encouraging you to sit with pain and respond with compassion.
• Visualize yourself as a younger version of you, offering words of care: This technique helps awaken tenderness by imagining yourself as a child or teen in pain. You then offer compassionate words or gestures, as though you were comforting someone you love.

Focus on what the emotion feels like in your body. Let it unfold without judgment. Let your breath anchor you.

Final Thought: You Deserve Your Own Kindness

You don’t have to wait for someone else to show up before you begin healing.
You don’t have to be “better” to be worthy of care.

Self-compassion isn’t a last resort. It’s your foundation.
And it’s one of the bravest things you can practice while grieving.

When you're ready to bring that care into community, join us.
Because even in loneliness, you don’t have to walk this path alone.