Navigating through Father’s Day after a complex relationship can be a challenging and emotional process. It's a day that can stir up a mix of emotions, especially if your relationship with your father was marked by mental illness, addiction, or any form of abuse.

As we approach Father’s Day, you might be wondering how to cope, commemorate the day, and take care of yourself. Whether you're struggling with grief, anger, confusion, or a mix of all these emotions, this guide offers some suggestions on how to navigate this difficult time. 

My stepfather had bipolar disorder, a condition that brought an array of highs and lows to our family dynamic. I love him dearly, and still do, and always will. However, the complex relationship wasn't always easy, particularly the way he treated my mom. The memories of the good times we shared were sometimes overshadowed by the storms we weathered. Yet, it's in acknowledging and accepting both the good and the bad that I've learned to grow.

This time last year I went to the beach where his ashes are scattered along with our dog, Brandy. Over a decade after their death, I realize I am at peace with events I once felt were "unforgivable."

It took me time to reach a place where I could hold the complex tapestry of emotions in balance. I want to encourage you to have patience with yourself. This journey is not linear, nor is it uniform. Your feelings may fluctuate and evolve, and that's okay. Don't rush yourself or force yourself to feel a certain way.

If you’re grieving an absent father, a father figure who caused harm, or even a lack of relationship, know that your experience is real and worthy of compassion.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

You have permission to feel whatever you're feeling about your father. Your emotions are valid, even if they don't neatly fit into societal expectations. It's okay to grieve the relationship you wish you had, the father you hoped for, or the past that you can't change.

You might feel relief, anger, or confusion, and that's okay too. These uncomfortable feelings can live alongside warm memories, even if they show up in the same breath.

If you're also experiencing tension with other family members this Father’s Day, you're not alone. Challenging dynamics can intensify grief, especially when the relationship itself lacked closure. Read more about how to navigate difficult family relationships when you are grieving.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

Recognize that you're not alone in your struggle. Everyone faces difficulties and challenges. You're not less deserving of love, respect, or care because of your complex relationship with your father.

Offer yourself the same kindness you would offer a friend who had grown up in an immature relationship environment. Many of us never learned how to emotionally process painful feelings, especially if we were raised in households with abusive relationships or frequent emotional invalidation.

3. Create a Meaningful Ritual or Tradition

Rituals and traditions can offer structure and meaning on a day that might otherwise feel unmoored. A ritual is a one-time, intentional series of actions—like lighting a candle, meditating, or journaling—that brings focus and emotional grounding. You might begin with a quiet intention, engage in a meaningful activity, and close with something simple like sharing a memory or silently extinguishing the candle.

A tradition, on the other hand, is something you return to year after year. Maybe you cook your father’s favorite meal, share stories with family, or volunteer for a cause he once cared about. Traditions help carry your connection forward, weaving their memory into the fabric of your life.

Whether you're drawn to a ritual, a tradition, or both, let it reflect your truth—not an idealized version of the relationship, but the one you actually lived.

4. Self-Care is Vital

It’s essential to tend to yourself, especially on days that activate emotional memories. For you, self-care might look like reading, journaling, crafting, or making space for tears. Maybe it’s putting on comfy clothes and watching a movie from childhood, or scheduling extra chat and email support with trusted friends.

The week before Father's Day, I host a live session in my Awaken Grief Support Program where we discuss our feelings about the holiday, as well as make a solid plan for self-care in advance, so you aren't left trying to figure out what to do when the waves of grief hit.

5. Journaling Your Thoughts

Journaling can be a helpful way to explore your father experience, particularly if it feels too complicated to talk about aloud. You might write about what you longed for, what you received, and what you’re still trying to understand.

This is also a powerful tool for adult children who are unpacking how their relationships with parents shaped their romantic relationships, boundaries, or trust in others.

6. Meditate for Peace

Meditation can help you pause and sit with your emotions without needing to fix or judge them. Try a guided meditation on self-compassion or practice simply breathing and noticing what’s happening in your body. This mindful attention gives you a way to be present with your broken heart and your hope.

7. Honor Your Personal Journey

Everyone’s grief is different. Your single parent journey may have felt wildly different from your siblings’, or you may be the firstborn child carrying a different emotional load. Your process of handling Father's Day after a difficult relationship with your father will look different from someone else's—and that's okay. Honor your journey and give yourself the space and grace to handle this day in your own way.

8. Reach Out for Support

Connecting with others who understand your experience can be a great source of comfort. You may find solace in support groups, whether online or in person, where you can share your experiences and feelings. Remember, it's okay to seek professional help as well. Therapists and grief counselors can provide valuable tools for navigating through this difficult time.

As you navigate through this journey of complex emotions and memories, you're invited to join our online grief support group, Awaken, at meditationforgrief.com. We understand the nuances of experiencing Father's Day with a heavy heart and we're here to support you through it. Join us for our special Father's Day Grief Support Gathering, where you'll find understanding, compassion, and shared healing in a safe, nurturing space.

Even amidst the pain, you can find peace. With the right approach, Father's Day can become a day of healing and self-love, even as you navigate through the complex feelings around your relationship with your father. Trust your journey and know that with each step you take, you're nurturing your own strength and resilience.