When you’re grieving, the New Year is not about pushing yourself harder; it’s about survival, self-compassion, and creating space for healing.
The start of a new year often feels like a blank slate, but when you’re grieving, this “fresh start” can feel like an overwhelming reminder of the life you’ve lost. Traditional New Year’s resolutions—focused on self-improvement and ambition—might now feel misplaced.
In my own journey through grief, I’ve learned that resolutions need to align with where you are emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I believe that New Year's Resolutions when you are grieving is not about meeting external expectations but about nurturing your inner world.
Below, you’ll find 25 actions designed to support you during this challenging time. Not all of these are traditional New Year's resolutions—templates for new behaviors to adopt—but rather gentle steps you can take to make space for healing and change.
These actions are meant to honor where you are in your journey, offering practical ways to tend to your grief, reprogram your subconscious, and create a foundation for sustainable transformation. Choose the ones that resonate most with you, and remember, even small steps can lead to meaningful growth.
Why Traditional New Year's Resolutions Fail Grievers and Non-Grievers Alike
Most New Year’s resolutions fail by February, even for those not navigating grief. Why? The goals we set often clash with our subconscious comfort zone, the hidden part of our mind that prioritizes safety over transformation.
While our conscious mind sets ambitious goals, the subconscious resists anything unfamiliar, perceiving it as a potential threat. This creates an internal conflict that often leaves us stuck, frustrated, and unable to sustain change.
Making meaningful changes is especially difficult when our subconscious is shaped by core wounds—deep-seated beliefs like “I am unsafe,” “I will be abandoned,” “I am unworthy,” or “I will be betrayed.” These wounds subtly influence how we view ourselves and the world, steering our behaviors and limiting our ability to grow.
Reprogramming these beliefs takes more than willpower; it requires emotion and repetition. By engaging in small, meaningful acts aligned with your needs, you can gradually shift these subconscious patterns, expand your comfort zone, and create sustainable change.
Why It’s Extra Hard When You’re Grieving
Grief adds another layer of complexity to making changes. It doesn’t just impact your emotions; it rewires your brain and body, leaving you in survival mode. This heightened state can make even small tasks feel overwhelming, let alone ambitious resolutions.
When grief takes over, striving to “do better” or “be more” can backfire, intensifying feelings of stress and self-doubt. Your energy is often depleted, and your focus is on basic survival, not growth. You may feel stuck in cycles of sadness or numbness, making it hard to access the motivation needed for transformation.
This is why kindness and patience are essential during this time. Instead of pushing for drastic changes, focus on creating small, nurturing routines that honor your current state. As a grief therapist, I’ve worked with many clients to help them navigate these challenges.
By tending to your grief with care and intention, you can begin to create space for healing. This process is about meeting yourself where you are, addressing your core wounds, and taking small, compassionate steps toward a life of greater peace and resilience.
Resolutions for Grievers: A Gentle Approach
These New Years "resolutions" are suggestions—not obligations. Choose the ones that resonate with you, adapting them as needed. The goal is to care for yourself and honor your grief, one step at a time.
1. Prioritize Sleep: Grief can disrupt sleep, leaving you exhausted. Commit to gentle practices like a calming bedtime routine or a short nap during the day. Rest is healing.
2. Take One Deep Breath a Day: Some days, even this might feel like an achievement. A deep breath can help you reconnect with the present moment.
3. Start a Grief Journal: Write down your thoughts, memories, or feelings. This practice externalizes pain, helping you witness it with compassion.
4. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to obligations that drain your energy. Boundaries are an act of self-love.
5. Try Guided Meditation: Explore meditations designed for grievers, focusing on self-compassion or mindfulness.
6. Connect with a Grief Support Group: Find a space where your loss is understood. This might be an in-person group or an online community.
7. Spend Time in Nature: Walking outside can help you feel grounded and soothed by the natural world.
8. Hydrate and Nourish Your Body: Grief can make even basic self-care feel overwhelming. Keep water and simple snacks within reach.
9. Create a Memory Ritual: Light a candle, plant a tree, or dedicate a moment to honor your loved one’s memory.
10. Give Yourself Permission to Feel: Let yourself grieve without judgment. Tears, laughter, anger—all are valid.
Resolutions to Foster Connection
11. Reach Out to a Trusted Friend: Choose someone who truly listens and supports you without trying to “fix” your grief.
12. Allow Yourself to Ask for Help: Whether it’s a chore or an emotional conversation, asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.
13. Spend Time with Pets: Animals provide unconditional love and comfort, which can be profoundly healing.
14. Volunteer for a Cause You Care About: Giving your time can create a sense of purpose and connection.
15. Join a Creative Workshop: Explore writing, art, or music to connect with others and process emotions.
Resolutions for Emotional and Mental Wellness
16. Start a Gratitude Practice: Even in grief, moments of gratitude can coexist with pain. Begin by noting one thing each day that brings a glimmer of solace.
17. Limit Doomscrolling: Social media and the news can exacerbate feelings of isolation or negativity. Set boundaries for your screen time.
18. Read Books About Grief: Learning from others’ experiences can offer comfort and insight into your journey.
19. Allow Time for Joy: This might feel impossible at first, but small joys—a favorite song, a funny movie—can offer brief respites.
20. Practice Loving-Kindness: Use a mantra such as “May I be kind to myself” to rewire your inner dialogue.
Resolutions to Support Healing and Growth
21. Try Gentle Movement: Yoga, stretching, or even swaying to music can help release tension stored in your body.
22. Declutter a Small Space: Clearing one drawer or shelf can create a sense of control and renewal without feeling overwhelming.
23. Learn Something New: If it feels right, try a new skill or hobby. This can spark curiosity and remind you of your capacity to grow.
24. Write a Letter to Your Loved One: Say what’s on your heart—gratitude, anger, or longing. This can be a powerful act of release.
25. Give Yourself Time: The most important resolution is to allow yourself the time and space you need to heal. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and neither should you.
Tips for Making Resolutions Stick
- Start Small: Instead of overhauling your life, focus on one meaningful change.
- Be Kind to Yourself: Don't give up if you miss a day or forget a resolution. Progress is more important than perfection.
- Celebrate Wins: Acknowledge every small step you take.
- Use Reminders: Set gentle prompts, like sticky notes or phone alarms, to keep your resolutions top of mind.
A New Year Rooted in Compassion
Grieving is one of life’s most complex journeys, and it requires more than resolutions; it requires compassion, patience, and care. The resolutions above are not a checklist but an invitation—to treat yourself gently, honor your needs, and find moments of connection and peace amidst the pain.
As you navigate the new year, remember this: you’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough. One breath, one step, one resolution at a time.
