When you’ve lost a child or a loved one, even a secular holiday like Labor Day can carry an unexpected weight. This holiday, often associated with the end of summer and the beginning of a busy season, can feel like another reminder of the absence in your life. The simplicity of a day off or the gathering of friends and family can amplify the void, making it harder to navigate the emotions that surface when the world seems to be moving forward while you’re still grappling with your loss.
The Shift from Summer to Fall: A Time of Transition
As Labor Day passes and the summer days grow short, a subtle but significant shift occurs. We may not always notice it consciously, but this time of year is a turning point in our schedules and mindsets. Children head back to school, vacations draw to a close, and the whispers of the upcoming holidays begin to creep into our thoughts. Stores prematurely display pumpkins, turkeys, and Christmas trees, stretching out a season that can already feel overwhelming—especially if you're grieving.
Labor Day is the official marker for the transition from summer's ease to the structured demands of fall. Whether you're returning to work, settling your kids into school routines, or just feeling the change in the air, this shift can bring about a mix of emotions. While some people look forward to the cooler weather and the start of new projects, others may feel a growing sense of dread as the holidays loom on the horizon.
A Season of Grief
My uncle died in the fall. His birthday was in October, and he died by suicide just before Thanksgiving. For decades after, the shift in mood was palpable in my home. As the weather cooled, it brought back memories of those gut-wrenching phone calls and the ceremonies we never wanted to need to attend. The holidays were strained, filled with an unspoken heaviness, but it wasn’t just the holidays—every day that ended in "y" from September to December seemed to carry that same weight. The change in seasons was a reminder of the loss, making it harder to find joy in moments that were supposed to bring comfort.
For those of us who are grieving, this period of transition can be particularly challenging. The changing season often stirs up memories of loved ones we've lost, and the thought of facing the holidays without them can be daunting. Even the simple act of seeing holiday decorations in stores can trigger waves of sadness, anxiety, or even anger. It’s as if the world is moving on, while your grief still lingers, raw and unresolved.
The Anticipated Pressures of the Holiday Season
The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, family gatherings, and celebration. But when you're grieving, these expectations can feel like an insurmountable burden. You may find yourself missing someone dear, feeling the strain of difficult family dynamics, or worrying about the financial and social pressures that come with the season. And on some days, simply getting out of bed can feel like a monumental task.
This is the time when the practice of mindfulness can become a crucial tool for navigating the season ahead. Mindfulness allows us to slow down, observe our emotions without judgment, and find moments of peace amidst the chaos. By staying present, we can recognize our triggers and take proactive steps to care for ourselves during this difficult time.
A Mindful Reset: Setting Intentions for the Season Ahead
Today, I invite you to take a moment for a mindful reset. This mindfulness exercise is here to help you bring both clarity and compassion to your experience as you move into the fall season. By taking a moment to reflect on your hopes and fears for the upcoming months, you’ll gain a clearer sense of what you need to navigate this time with greater ease.
I invite you to be gentle with yourself—acknowledging your emotions without judgment and offering yourself the same compassion you’d extend to a close friend. Through this practice, you can approach the challenges of the season with a calmer, more centered mindset.
This is a chance to pause, breathe, and reflect on how you want to navigate the coming months. Start by finding a quiet space where you won’t be interrupted. Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. Allow yourself to settle into the present moment.
After a few minutes of silence, bring to mind the approaching holiday season. Think about what you hope for in the months ahead and what you fear might come up. Be honest with yourself because you deserve that level of self-compassion.
Journaling Exercise: Reflecting on Your Hopes and Fears
Take out a journal or a piece of paper and answer the following prompts. This exercise is based on the emotional processing tool, which helps you become aware of the stories you’re telling yourself and how they’re affecting your emotions.
- Identify Your Hopes: What are you looking forward to in the coming months? This could be anything from reconnecting with family, finding moments of peace, or creating new traditions that honor your loved one’s memory.
- Acknowledge Your Fears: What are you worried about as the holidays approach? Are there specific events or situations that trigger your grief? Write down these fears, no matter how big or small they may seem.
- Question Your Thoughts: For each fear, ask yourself: "Is this fear absolutely true?" Often, our minds create stories based on past experiences or anxiety about the future. Challenge these stories and consider if there might be another, less painful interpretation.
- Identify Your Needs: What do you need to feel supported and at ease during this season? Do you need more time alone, the company of understanding friends, or perhaps a break from tradition?
- Create a Strategy: How can you meet these needs? Whether it's setting boundaries with family, planning quiet time for yourself, or seeking support from a group like Awaken, write down actionable steps you can take.
This exercise isn’t about erasing your grief or pretending everything is fine. Instead, it’s about acknowledging where you are right now and giving yourself the care and compassion you need to move forward.
Support for Grief in the Holiday Season
The pre-holiday season can be overwhelming, especially when you’re grieving. But by taking time now to reflect, set intentions, and practice mindfulness, you can create a plan to navigate the months ahead with greater ease. Over the next few months, I’ll be sharing my best tips on how to handle the challenges of the season, so be sure to subscribe to my newsletter for more guidance and support.
And if you’re looking for extra help getting through this time, consider joining the Awaken Grief Support Program. We’ll work together to find peace, connection, and healing as we move through this season of change. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. You deserve support, and it’s okay to ask for it.
Take a deep breath—you’ve got this.
