Thanksgiving is a holiday that centers on family gatherings, shared meals, and giving thanks. But for children who are grieving, Thanksgiving can be filled with mixed emotions and painful reminders of a loved one who is no longer there. This holiday, which emphasizes gratitude and togetherness, may feel like a difficult day to get through, especially for young hearts learning to navigate loss.

Thanksgiving has always been a complex holiday for me. My first Thanksgiving after a major loss was when I was just seven years old, right after my Uncle Doug died. He had passed by suicide only a month before, and the entire family was still in shock. I didn’t fully understand what had happened, but I could feel the grief in the air, thick and heavy, even as a child.

Tend To Your Own Thanksgiving Grief First

Before diving into ways to support your child, it’s important to remember that tending to your own grief is the first step in helping them. Children pick up on our emotions, often sensing sadness even if we try to hide it.

Taking time to care for yourself, acknowledging your own feelings, and creating space for your own healing can make a world of difference in how you’re able to show up for them. If you’re looking for support to help you navigate this holiday season with compassion and intention, consider using a resource like the Grief-Sensitive Holiday Planner. It’s designed to help you set gentle, realistic expectations for the holidays, giving you a roadmap to create a season that honors both your grief and your need for connection.

How To Support a Grieving Child on Thanksgiving

If you’re supporting a grieving child this Thanksgiving, know that it’s okay to acknowledge the loss, to speak the words that might feel too heavy. Doing so may create a sense of closeness and comfort that I wish my family had been able to share back then. Here are some thoughtful approaches to help them find comfort and support as they move through Thanksgiving.

Acknowledge Their Mixed Feelings, and Yours Too

Thanksgiving is often associated with joy and gratitude, but like adults, grieving children may feel confused about how to balance these feelings with their sadness. Let them know it’s okay to feel whatever they need to feel—whether it’s sadness, anger, or even confusion.

• Validate Their Emotions: Simple phrases like, “It’s okay to feel sad today,” or “I miss them too,” can help children feel understood and supported.
• Model Your Own Feelings: If you feel comfortable, share some of your own emotions about the loved one’s absence. Children often look to adults to understand how to cope, so showing them it’s okay to have complex feelings can be a powerful example.

Create a Thanksgiving Ritual in Their Honor

Thanksgiving is a family-centric holiday, which can make the absence of a loved one feel even more profound. Creating a simple ritual to remember the person who has passed can help children feel a sense of connection during the day. Invite your child to participate in crafting the ritual so they can have an outlet for their feelings

• Set Up a “Memory Spot” at the Table: If the child feels comfortable, set an extra place at the table or light a candle to symbolize the presence of the loved one. You might add a photo or favorite item of the person who passed.
• Share Stories Together: Invite children to share a favorite memory of their loved one. It can be as simple as a funny moment or a shared tradition. If they’re shy, encourage them to draw or write about the memory instead.
• Make a Thanksgiving Craft in Their Honor: Kids can create a small art project, such as a memory collage or gratitude jar that honors both their loved one and moments they’re thankful for.

Help Them with Gratitude, Without Forcing It

Thanksgiving has a theme of gratitude, but it’s okay if grieving children don’t feel particularly thankful. Instead of emphasizing gratitude in a traditional sense, help them find gentle ways to express thanks that don’t overshadow their sadness.

• Create a “Grateful Memory List”: Invite children to write down or draw things they’re grateful for about their loved one—like shared moments or qualities they admired. This can be a comforting way to focus on positive memories without forcing a cheerful attitude.
• Express Gratitude for the Present: Gently encourage them to find small things they’re thankful for today, like time with family, a favorite meal, or even a pet. This allows for gratitude without diminishing their feelings of loss.

Incorporate New Traditions with Their Input

For children, Thanksgiving is often tied to traditions that might feel incomplete or painful without their loved one. Introducing new traditions can help create fresh, comforting memories that respect the past while moving forward.

• Let Them Help Plan the Day: Involve the child in choosing a new activity or dish to make Thanksgiving feel a little different and special. Giving them some control over the day can be empowering and reassuring.
• Cook or Bake in Their Loved One’s Memory: If their loved one had a favorite dish, consider making it together. Cooking can become a way to connect with memories, while adding a sense of comfort.
• Volunteer as a Family: Some families find meaning in giving back on Thanksgiving. If the child is interested, consider a family activity like helping at a food bank, making cards for a nursing home, or putting together care packages. Helping others can help children feel connected and grounded.

Offer Them a Quiet Space to Retreat

Thanksgiving gatherings can be overwhelming, and grieving children may need time to step away and recharge. Create a “quiet corner” where they can retreat if the day feels too much.

• Set Up a Cozy Space: Create a small space with a blanket, books, or quiet toys where the child can take breaks. Encourage them to spend time there whenever they need a moment to themselves.
• Go on a Nature Walk: If things feel too hectic, suggest a short walk outside. Nature can be calming and offers a break from the intensity of the gathering.
• Practice Simple Breathing Exercises Together: If the child seems anxious, introduce breathing exercises. A few minutes of deep breathing can help them feel more grounded and in control.

Communicate Openly About What to Expect

Thanksgiving traditions may feel different this year, especially if family members are grieving. Talking openly about any changes in the day’s structure can help children feel more prepared and less anxious.

• Prepare Them for the Changes: Let the child know if Thanksgiving will look different this year, whether due to a smaller gathering, fewer traditions, or new activities. Knowing what to expect can help them feel less apprehensive.
• Ask About Their Concerns: Invite them to share any specific worries they have about the day. Sometimes, children just need reassurance that it’s okay if things aren’t perfect or traditional.
• Reassure Them It’s Okay to Laugh and Have Fun: Children may feel guilty if they find themselves laughing or having fun during the day. Let them know that it’s okay to feel happy even while they miss their loved one.

Encourage Expression Through Art or Writing

Children often find it easier to express their feelings through creative activities. Thanksgiving can be a great opportunity to let them draw, write, or create something that captures their feelings.

• Start a Gratitude or Memory Journal: Encourage them to keep a journal where they can write or draw things they’re grateful for or memories of their loved one. This can be a private outlet for emotions, especially if they’re uncomfortable talking about their feelings.
• Make Thanksgiving Crafts Together: Create a craft that honors their loved one, such as a memory collage or a paper turkey with feathers for each memory. Crafting allows children to process their grief in a hands-on way.
• Write a “Letter of Thanks” to Their Loved One: If they’re open to it, suggest writing a letter to their loved one, expressing what they miss and the memories they cherish. This can be a beautiful way for them to reflect on their feelings.

End the Day with Comfort and Gentle Gratitude

Thanksgiving may never feel exactly the same, but you can still end the day on a gentle, comforting note. This can bring closure to the day in a way that respects both their grief and their love.

• Share Simple Gratitude Together: If they’re comfortable, invite them to share one small thing they’re thankful for, even if it’s not related to the holiday. Keep it casual to avoid pressure.
• Acknowledge the Difficulty of the Day: You might say, “I know today was hard, but I’m glad we spent it together.” Recognizing the challenge of the day can help children feel seen.
• Create a Closing Ritual: End the day with a comforting ritual, like lighting a candle together or reading a favorite story. This simple act can help ease any lingering sadness and provide a sense of closure.

Supporting a grieving child on Thanksgiving means balancing their need for comfort with their desire to remember. With these thoughtful approaches, you can help them navigate the holiday with grace, creating a Thanksgiving that respects both their grief and their love for the person who’s no longer there.

My Encouraging Words For a Difficult Time

As overwhelming as this season may feel, remember—you’re already taking steps that can make a lasting difference for both you and your child. My journey with grief began with a holiday marked by loss, and my family didn’t have the tools or resources to handle it.

The fact that you’re here, reading this, caring for yourself, and thinking about your child’s needs is powerful. You’re breaking a cycle of silent suffering, offering the compassion and support that can help both of you heal.

If you’d like more guidance or simply need a space to share your experience, please consider joining my grief support group or scheduling a private session. You don’t have to navigate this alone, and together, we can find ways to honor your loved one while creating moments of peace and connection this holiday season.