Grieving during the holidays can feel like an uphill battle. The season often brings heightened emotions, constant reminders of your loss, and unrealistic expectations from yourself and others. While you can’t control every aspect of grief, there are ways to tend to your pain with intention, compassion, and care.

Coping with grief during the holidays is one of the most challenging experiences anyone can face. But there are ways to navigate this difficult time with care, intention, and mindfulness. This isn’t about forcing yourself to feel better or pretending everything is fine. It’s about honoring your feelings, recognizing your limits, and finding small ways to create moments of peace and meaning.

This article includes specific practices to help you process your emotions, care for yourself, and honor the memory of your loved one. You’ll also find links to other articles where I give more insight into practical strategies, such as handling grief triggers at holiday parties, creating traditions to honor your loved one, and building coping tools for inevitable moments of difficulty.

These tips will help you find your footing and approach this season with resilience and compassion.

What Is Grief?

Grief is a natural reaction to loss, but it feels so painful and abnormal. Between the waves of uncontrollable emotions, physical sensations, and intrusive thoughs, it can really impact how you feel, behave, and relate to others.

How Grief Manifests

• Emotions: Sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, and even moments of joy may all surface unexpectedly.
• Physical Sensations: Fatigue, headaches, a tight chest, or an unsettled stomach are common.
• Behaviors: You may withdraw from others, feel restless, or find it hard to focus.
• Social/Relationship Changes: Relationships with family and friends may shift as grief affects everyone differently.
• Spiritual Questioning: Loss can lead to questions about faith, purpose, or life’s meaning.

What You Can and Cannot Control with Holiday Grief

Grief can feel chaotic and overwhelming because so much of it is outside your control. You can't control that insensitive relative, or what triggering songs play while you are just trying to shop for groceries.

However, you can take steps to create moments of peace and stability. This guide will help you focus on what you can control while gently accepting what you can’t.

Why Grief Gets Triggered During the Holidays

Holidays tend to amplify grief for several reasons:

Heightened Emotions and Traditions

The joy, nostalgia, and togetherness associated with the holidays is a stark contrast to the emptiness you may be experiencing. Traditions that once brought comfort may now feel incomplete without your loved one.

Constant Reminders

From holiday music to family gatherings, reminders of your loss are everywhere. Seeing others celebrate can feel isolating and bring memories of what you’ve lost into sharper focus.

Societal Expectations

There’s immense pressure to feel merry and participate in the festivities. This can leave you feeling disconnected from those around you, especially if they don’t seem to understand your grief.

How You Can Cope With Grief During The Holidays

Acknowledge and Allow Your Feelings

• Set Aside Time for Your Emotions: Create quiet moments to sit with your feelings. Writing in your grief journal, taking 5 minutes for a self-care practice, or simply feeling the physical sensations related to your emotions can help you process them.
  • Why It Helps: Ignoring grief often leads to more suffering. It takes a lot of energy to pretend you are feeling fine when you are not. Allowing yourself to feel your emotions gives them space to move through you, and honors your love and your feelings of loss.
• Let Yourself Off The Hook: You might not have the energy to do everything you did in past years. Lighten your holiday load and focus on what feels manageable. 
  • Why It Helps: Grief is exhausting, and reducing your to-do list lets you conserve energy for what truly matters.

Balance Grief With Self-Care

• Take Breaks From Grief: Do something that brings you comfort, like watching a favorite movie, baking, or going for a walk in nature.
  • Why It Helps: Short breaks from grief can recharge your emotional batteries and remind you that love can coexist with sadness.
• Plan Regular Self-Care Time: Schedule activities that calm your nervous system, such as yoga, deep breathing, or a warm bath.
  • Why It Helps: Grief activates stress responses, and self-care helps you reset and find moments of peace.

Honor Your Loved One’s Memory

• Savor the Relationship That Remains: Reflect on the love you shared and how it continues to shape you. Consider writing a letter of gratitude to your loved one.
  • Why It Helps: Grief isn’t about letting go but loving in a new way. Honoring their memory keeps that connection alive.
• Modify or Create Traditions: Adapt old traditions to include your loved one’s memory, such as lighting a candle in their honor. Alternatively, start new traditions, like making a donation in their name.
  • Why It Helps: These acts of remembrance can bring comfort and meaning to your holiday.

Build a Supportive Environment

• Surround Yourself With Supportive People: Spend time with those who understand and support you, whether it’s a trusted friend, a family member, or even a pet.
  • Why It Helps: Connection can ease feelings of isolation and provide the comfort you need.
• Lower Expectations of Others: Understand that not everyone will know how to support you. Some may be grieving themselves, while others may not fully understand your experience. Learn how to communicate your needs during holiday encounters with difficult people.
  • Why It Helps: Adjusting your expectations prevents unnecessary frustration and disappointment.

Plan Ahead for Holiday Triggers

• Build a Coping Toolbox: Identify responses to triggers, such as listening to calming music, stepping outside for fresh air, or having a mantra like “This moment will pass.” Balancing coping skills with self care will help you build resilience for the holidays and beyond. 
  • Why It Helps: Knowing how to respond to triggers gives you a sense of control in difficult situations.
• Decide What Events To Attend: First, decide if you really want to attend holidays parties when you are grieving. If you do say yes, designate a space where you can step away to regroup if needed. Let someone you trust know if you may need to leave early. Learn more about how to handle grief triggers at holiday parties.
  • Why It Helps: Having a plan reduces anxiety and ensures you can prioritize your well-being.

Get The Support You Need to Cope With Holiday Grief

Coping with grief during the holidays isn’t about avoiding the pain—it’s about finding ways to navigate it with compassion and intention. By focusing on what you can control, honoring your loved one’s memory, and taking care of yourself, you can create a season that feels a little more peaceful and meaningful.

And remember, you don’t have to face this alone. Consider joining my online grief support group or leaning on trusted friends and family. You are stronger than you know, and each small step forward is a testament to your resilience.