‘Til Death Do Us NOT Part (Part 1)

By Jen CB

Posted: June 23, 2019

Our Storybook Love

To My Derek…

When we wrote our vows together, in our first apartment so many years ago, we were excited for the future and what lay ahead. We made plans for someday buying a house together, sharing our career successes, and maybe creating a family of our own. It was in these conversations of goals, our passion for life and what it had to offer, that we wrote our promises. We planned our story together and were united in the love we had for one another.

We stood before family and friends that December evening, you in your handsome tuxedo, and me in a gown far grander than I could ever imagine. Our winter wonderland wedding was magical with freshly fallen snow, each snowflake descending slowly as if it held the promise of our love on the path we walked together. The stockings were hung, the fire was lit, and we read our promises to one another. We vowed to love one another, to be there through the trials and tribulations that life sometimes brings. And with our signatures binding our promise until death do us part, we became our storybook love.

We did have our trials and tribulations, as any married couple would have over the years. We made mistakes, however, we stood together as we continued to promise to be there for one another. With each chapter that unfolded, we continued to love one another. We never gave up on what we had and we continue to build from the promises we made at the altar.

The Dark Angel

And then we were faced with an unexpected twist of fate. Just shy of our eighth wedding anniversary, life took a turn for the worse. The shocking reality was that we weren’t going to live happily ever after. Our time together on this plane of existence was done, our storybook love came to an abrupt ending, and it was your time to go. I witnessed the dark angel come and with my hand, I passed you over to him. Yet I never felt the promises we made between us were broken by this experience of losing you so quickly.

The angel left me in the darkest chapter of my life – untouched, unread, and unknowing sorrow. Scared and alone, I now face the world on my own. Yet it is here, in this darkness, I have found a grace that has come to lead me in the dimmest of times. I surrender to this deep feeling within my soul and in trusting this, I have found you on the other side. You are with me from the Divine! You show me the love and light from the universe. You promised me you would never leave me and you continue to guide me along my path. I trust, and I build on those promises made.

I have discovered new depths of love that I never knew existed. Like how to love someone so much that you know when it is the best time to go. Or how to trust in the love you have for yourself, and to follow your path. Despite how dim it may be, love and grace will be there waiting for you. We will forever be part of each other’s journey. You gave me so much in life, and even more in death. I continue to promise to trust you and listen to your words of wisdom. I see you in my dreams late at night. I feel your wings around me when I need strength. I promise to live a life of love knowing that you have shown me the divinity of the universe. And I promise to love again and to bring this love wherever my journey will lead.

Final Resting Place

I walk into the cemetery with you in my arms. Your wooden urn is ready to be placed into the ground. I walk as if I’m walking down a different aisle again, surrounded by family and a few close friends.  I only speak a few words, then I take the shovel and start digging into the dirt. I gently place you into the ground realizing that Death does NOT part us.  The vows we made, only 8 years before, live on and we will never be apart.


Jen CB

About the author

Jen CB is an M.Ed, Coach, Speaker, and former Semi-Pro Athlete. While overcoming the struggles of depression and obesity, she achieved her dream of becoming an international Softball Pitcher and Cy Young Award winner. After coming off a tremendous high in life which began her career to motivate others, life turned unexpectedly, losing her husband suddenly to cancer in October of 2016. Having her Master of Education, with research focusing on experiential and mindfulness training practices for adult learners, she understands many of life’s trials and tribulations and creates a space to become aware of the various mindfulness practices to get through the amazing highs and lows along the path.

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