Life can feel out of control when you are grieving. However, I have found that creating small moments of warmth and comfort is a form of agency. It’s an act of self-compassion, a reminder that even when you cannot control what’s happening around you, you can still tend to your needs.
Hygge is about embracing this concept—tuning into your senses and creating a safe, cozy environment that calms your nervous system and can bring you back home to yourself and the people you love. I first discovered this Danish practice while knitting a sweater for my dog with a ballet-pink, soft, fuzzy yarn named Hygge. The yarn, though acrylic—because dog—wasn’t as luxurious as the alpaca silk blend I typically use for human projects, but its texture still brought me immense comfort.
I was curious about the name, so I looked up what it meant. That’s when I fell in love with this Danish practice of creating warmth and coziness, something I was clearly already doing. Along with knitting, my home is filled with cozy elements that support my self-care: Faux fur pillows, gentle lighting, delightful aromatherapy, and other grounding decorations help create a space where I feel safe and comforted.
What is Hygge?
Hygge (pronounced “hoo-gah”) is a Danish term that encapsulates the idea of coziness, warmth, and comfort. It’s about intentionally cultivating a space and mindset that invites peace, safety, and relaxation. In Denmark, where winters are long and dark, hygge has been a cultural cornerstone for centuries.
It’s a way to cope with external conditions that can feel harsh by nurturing internal and physical warmth. The practice focuses on enjoying simple pleasures and being present in the moment, a concept that aligns closely with my idea of real self-care and can really help us during grief.
The Role of Physical Comfort in Grief
Grief can feel chaotic, overwhelming, and deeply out of control. One small but powerful way we can begin to reclaim some sense of agency is by attending to physical comfort. When life is spinning out of control, surrounding yourself with warmth, softness, and familiar textures can help you feel more grounded.
Hygge offers a way to engage with your physical environment in a way that nurtures your body and mind. It’s not just about blankets or candles, though those are part of it. It’s about creating moments where you feel safe enough to relax. This can be as simple as wrapping yourself in a favorite sweater, sitting by a fire, or holding a warm mug of tea.
Research on hygge suggests that these moments of sensory pleasure help reduce stress by lowering cortisol levels and promoting relaxation, which creates space for emotional well-being. While it might seem like a small thing, this intentional act of care fosters a sense of control and calm, opening the door to practicing self-compassion during grief (see references at the end of this article).
The Health Benefits of Hygge
Hygge isn’t just about feeling good in the moment; it has tangible health benefits too. Studies have shown that creating a cozy, safe environment can reduce stress and boost overall well-being. By lowering the adrenal stress response and cortisol spikes, hygge encourages your body to rest and recover. This can be especially important during times of grief, when stress levels are often heightened. Hygge invites you to slow down, be present, and engage in sensory experiences that calm your body and mind.
In an article on How Being Cozy Is Good for Your Health, counselor Lauren Garvey describes hygge as “mindfulness wrapped in a blanket.” It’s an invitation to be present with yourself, to be okay with where you are, and to let go of the pressure to constantly be productive. Slowing down and focusing on your surroundings can create a buffer against overwhelming feelings, helping you reconnect with yourself and your emotional state.
Hygge and the Five Senses
When we talk about mindfulness in grief, we often focus on the mental and emotional aspects. Still, it’s important to remember that mindfulness begins with the body. Physical sensations are, in fact, the first domain of mindfulness practice. Hygge complements this by encouraging us to engage all our senses, grounding us in the present moment.
Rather than becoming consumed by one overwhelming aspect of grief, hygge invites you to experience a fuller sense of presence by tending to both your mind and body through simple, comforting actions. Here’s how you can use hygge to nurture each of your senses:
- Sight: Create a visually calming space. Use soft lighting—candles, lamps, or string lights can bring a gentle warmth to a room. Surround yourself with objects that make you feel at ease, whether books, art, or a cozy blanket draped over a chair.
- Smell: Scents can be powerful mood enhancers. Think about lighting a candle with a soothing fragrance or using essential oils that promote relaxation, like lavender or chamomile. If you’re sensitive to smells, a simple bowl of fresh fruit or a vase of flowers can bring a subtle sense of freshness and comfort.
- Sound: Soft music, the crackling of a fire, or even silence can create a comforting auditory environment. Pay attention to what sounds soothe you—instrumental music, nature sounds, or a favorite playlist.
- Touch: Hygge is all about textures. Soft blankets, cozy sweaters, and fuzzy socks can bring comfort when grief leaves you feeling raw and vulnerable. Consider adding a heated blanket or a warm mug to hold as you sit in your favorite chair.
- Taste: Warm, nourishing foods are a central part of hygge. Think of soups, teas, and baked goods—simple, comforting meals that feed both body and soul. You don’t need to cook elaborate dishes; even a piece of warm toast can offer a moment of hygge.
Hygge as an Individual Practice
Hygge is not one-size-fits-all. It’s about what makes you feel comfortable and at peace. What works for one person may not work for another, and that’s okay. The key is experimenting with small changes in your environment and noticing what brings you the most comfort. Hygge is a deeply personal practice, and the goal isn’t perfection; it’s presence.
For me, knitting became a way to engage with the tactile and to tune into the warmth and comfort that hygiene promotes. For you, it might be curling up with a favorite book, baking a loaf of bread, or simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea. Hygge encourages us to pause and honor what feels good to our bodies and minds, particularly when life feels overwhelming.
The Origins of Hygge
Though hygge is deeply rooted in Danish culture, it’s essential to recognize that it has been embraced by many people worldwide. I am not an expert on Danish traditions, but I am a fan of hygge and have found it to be a natural extension of my self-compassion practice. It allows me to tune into my senses and tend to myself with kindness without expecting perfection or a specific outcome. Hygge, in this way, has become a vital part of my own journey through grief and self-care.
Warm and Comforting Thoughts
Finally, hygge isn’t just about the physical—it’s also about cultivating warm and comforting thoughts. This might mean practicing gratitude, journaling about small joys in your day, or reflecting on memories that bring a sense of peace. In grief, it’s easy to get stuck in the pain of loss, but hygge invites you to also look for moments of comfort, even in the midst of sorrow. This duality—allowing space for both grief and comfort—can be a gentle way to practice self-compassion as you navigate the complexities of loss.
As I knitted that dog sweater, I realized that the textures I worked with weren’t just for the product but for me. The feeling of the soft yarn brought me a sense of comfort, much like how hygge encourages us to lean into sensory experiences that calm and soothe. This might explain why so many of us who love crafting are drawn to soft fabrics, warm colors, and textures that bring us joy—not just through the outcome but in the process itself.
Cozy Togetherness: Using Hygge to Comfort a Grieving Friend
At the core of hygge is the concept of cozy togetherness, a practice that fosters warmth, connection, and comfort within community. In Denmark, hygge is not just about physical coziness—it’s about being present with others in a relaxed, non-judgmental space. Lighting candles, sharing home-baked treats, or simply sitting together in silence creates an environment where people feel safe and valued.
This sense of togetherness goes beyond casual socializing. It nurtures a deep sense of belonging and mutual care, which may explain why Denmark consistently ranks as one of the happiest societies globally. Hygge encourages us to slow down, connect meaningfully, and prioritize quality time with loved ones. In times of upheaval, practicing cozy togetherness can help foster resilience, providing an anchor of connection and shared comfort amidst uncertainty.
When supporting a grieving friend, the concept of hygge can offer a gentle, non-intrusive way to provide comfort. Grief is deeply personal, and sometimes words alone aren’t enough. Hygge emphasizes creating a warm, inviting space where your friend can feel safe, seen, and supported without pressure or expectation.
Here are a few ways to bring the principles of hygge into your care:
- Create a Cozy Environment Together: Invite your friend into a comforting space if possible. This might be at your home or theirs. Light candles or dim the lights, offer them a soft blanket and make a cup of their favorite tea or coffee. These small sensory pleasures can help soothe overwhelming feelings and offer a respite from the intensity of grief. The goal is to create an atmosphere of warmth and peace, allowing them to relax and simply be.
- Offer Physical Comfort: Sometimes, physical comfort is more supportive than conversation. You could gently offer a hand to hold or a warm embrace if they’re open to it. Hygge is about mindful touch and cozying up—something as simple as wrapping them in a favorite sweater or sitting beside them in loving silence can provide a sense of safety and grounding.
- Help with Small, Comforting Rituals: Hygge encourages the mindful enjoyment of everyday moments. Offer to sit together silently while enjoying a shared activity—perhaps drinking a warm beverage, listening to soft music, or even watching a comforting show. The idea isn’t to distract from the grief but to provide a soothing space where they can feel held in their sorrow.
- Respect Their Need for Stillness: Grief can be exhausting, and hygge supports slowing down. Encourage your friend to rest and not feel pressured to be “okay” or productive. Give them permission to take a break from their grief in the same way hygge invites you to slow down and savor quiet moments. Sometimes, simply sitting together in stillness can be the most healing gesture.
- Use Warm Expressions: Just as hygge surrounds the body in warmth, let your words offer emotional warmth. Be gentle, reassuring, and patient. Of course, there is no one right thing to say, but plenty of wrong phrases exist. Instead of meaningless platitudes, focus on being present with them rather than trying to fix their pain. Hygge teaches us that comfort comes from the simple act of being together in the moment.
By integrating the concept of hygge, you can help create an atmosphere where your friend feels supported in a way that respects their grief. Through warmth, presence, and small acts of care, you offer them a space to process their loss while feeling safe and comforted.
Conclusion: Bringing Hygge into Your Life
Hygge offers a simple yet profound pathway to self-care. By focusing on sensory pleasure and creating spaces of warmth and comfort, you can begin to take small steps toward healing. As you explore the practice of hygge, remember that it’s about finding what feels good for you, your body, your environment, and your heart.
If you want more support, consider joining our Awaken online grief support group. Together, we explore ways to cultivate self-care and resilience, using mindfulness, movement, and journaling as our tools. Hygge can be a beautiful starting point for reconnecting with yourself in the midst of grief, and we would love to welcome you into our community.
References
- How Being Cozy Is Good for Your Health
- Transcending Limitations: A Phenomenological Exploration of How Hygge Practices Enrich the Lived Experiences of Adults with Cystic Fibrosis
- Using Hygge to Promote Wellness and Coping With a Chronic Illness
- Examining the social characteristics underpinning Danish ‘hygge’ and their implications for promoting togetherness in multicultural education
