Grief during the holidays isn’t about letting go—it’s about learning to tend to your heartache and carry the love forward in a way that honors both your relationship and your memories

The winter holiday season without your loved one is a difficult time that no one wants to face, yet many of us must. The traditions, music, and family gatherings can magnify your loss and make the season feel more overwhelming than merry.

But here’s something to hold onto: while deeply painful, grief is a reflection of love. It’s a sign of the bond you shared with your loved one, and it’s natural to feel their absence keenly during this time. This holiday will be different—there’s no avoiding that—but it can also offer space for healing and moments of comfort.

Steps To Cope With Your First Holiday Season Without Your Loved One

While nothing can remove the pain entirely, there are ways to navigate this season with intention, compassion, and care. The goal is not to have a Hallmark version of Christmas, but to ease your suffering and help you feel more connected to yourself and those you love.

Step 1: Acknowledge and Tend to Your Grief

• Set Aside Time to Soothe Your Feelings: While it may feel like the best thing to do is stuff your feelings down deep, but this will only work short-term. Set aside a special time to mindfully tend to your emotions, whether that’s journaling, meditating, or simply sitting quietly with your thoughts. If you aren’t sure how to be with your feelings, or are afraid you will be overwhelmed if you let them flow, try this R.A.I.N. meditation for difficult emotions.
• Let Yourself Off the Hook: This year, it’s okay to skip sending holiday cards, baking batches of cookies, or attending every holiday party. Grief is exhausting, and it’s perfectly fine to simplify. From saying no to holiday events to having an exit plan when holiday party grief triggers inevitably arise, you have the right to take a break. Grief is exhausting.

Step 2: Focus on What You Can Control

• Plan for Triggers: Holiday triggers are inevitable, but having a plan to cope with them ahead of time will help ease your suffering. Download my free Grief-Sensitive Holiday Planner for a step-by-step guide to help you prepare everything from coping skills to self-care plans to dealing with new and old traditions.
• Balance Grief With Joy: It’s okay to find moments of happiness. Watching a favorite holiday movie, petting your cat or dog, or walking outdoors can provide a brief respite. Sometimes just aiming for neutral is a good start.

Step 3: Modify Your Usual Holiday Traditions

• Adapt Old Traditions: You can choose to skip, modify, or continue certain traditions. For example, if decorating the tree feels too hard, consider a simpler tradition, like hanging a garland and a few meaningful ornaments on your mantle. You can always come back to your existing tradition when you are ready.
• Create New Holiday Activities In Their Honor: Honor your loved one by starting something new, like volunteering in their memory, crafting an ornament with their photo, or creating a holiday table centerpiece with their jewelry or trinkets. From little gestures, like wearing their favorite color, to bigger endeavors like preparing their favorite holiday meal, you can create new holiday rituals that help you nurture the bond you will always have.

Step 4: Lean Into Your Support System

• Surround Yourself With Supportive People: Spend time with those special people who understand you, and accept your grief unconditionally. Make plans ahead of time with friends, family, grief counseling, and holiday grief support groups.
• Plan How You Want To Handle Holiday Gatherings: Holiday celebrations are full of grief triggers. First, you will want to put some thought into whether you are going to attend, and learning how to say no to family gatherings without feeling guilty is
• More often than not, grief triggers are everywhere you attend a holiday event, designate a “safe person” you can talk to, and designate a physical space where you can take a break if emotions run high

It Feels Like You’ll Feel This Way Forever, But You Won't

Grief during the holidays can make time feel frozen. It’s easy to believe that the sadness, exhaustion, and pain will never lift. These feelings are normal, especially during such an emotionally charged season.

But emotions are not permanent. Over time, grief softens, and moments of comfort and even joy begin to emerge. You may not feel it yet, and that’s okay. Healing is a gradual process, and it doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one—it means learning to carry their memory forward in a way that feels right for you.

Closing Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Face This Alone

It is hard to cope with the holiday season without your loved one, but you don’t have to do it alone. Joining a supportive community, like my Awaken Grief Support Group, can help you navigate this season with people who understand what you’re going through.

Together, we reflect, share, and support one another as we honor our loved ones and ourselves. If you’re looking for a safe space to process your feelings and find small steps forward, visit Awaken Grief Support Group to join us.

This Christmas, let’s honor the love that remains and hold space for the hope that healing brings. You are stronger than you realize, and every step you take is a testament to your resilience.