What is a Death Anniversary?

A death anniversary—sometimes called an angelversary, trauma anniversary, anniversary of loss, or anniversary of death—is the yearly remembrance of the day someone died. These annual anniversaries often bring a surge of emotions, known as anniversary reactions, which may include sadness, longing, or even physical symptoms like fatigue, tension, or anxiety.

It’s not just the day of death that can trigger these reactions. Other significant dates, like a loved one’s birthday, a wedding anniversary, or even the day of a life-changing diagnosis, can stir up powerful emotions and memories. These days serve as reminders of loss but can also be opportunities to reflect on the bond you continue to share and the ways your loved one’s presence remains in your life.

Acknowledging these dates and planning to mindfully navigate this difficult time can help you navigate the emotions they bring while creating space for healing and connection.

My Stepdad’s Camera and My Mom’s Red Dress

In my years of working with clients and through my own grief journey, I’ve learned that the lead-up to a death anniversary can be more overwhelming than the day itself. The anticipation—the anxiety about how you’ll feel, what you should do, and how much it might hurt—can take up a lot of emotional space.

Sometimes, the day even creeps up on you. I remember the third year after my stepfather died, I couldn’t figure out why I felt so off. I was volunteering with TAPS that Memorial Day weekend to support Gold Star families, but something felt… heavier. Then it hit me: the anniversary of my stepfather's death had come and gone without me realizing it because I was working with other grieving families.

Since then, the anniversary date has loomed large, and I’ve been forced to approach it with more intention. I’ve learned that these days don’t just mark the passing of time; they also serve as emotional milestones, whether we recognize them consciously or not.

That’s the tricky thing about death anniversaries—they stir emotions in ways we don’t always expect. But they can also offer an opportunity to keep your loved one’s memory alive, reflect on the bond you still share, and find meaningful ways to honor them.

On my stepfather’s death day, I like to use his camera. Photography was his passion, and looking at the world through his lens feels like a way to carry him with me. I might take a walk and capture the little things he would have noticed—a shaft of sunlight through the trees, a bird perched just so. It’s a simple ritual, but it brings me comfort.

My mother honors her father by wearing red on his death day. It was his favorite color, and for her, it is a small but powerful way to feel connected to him. These actions don’t require much planning but hold a deep meaning.

Traditions like these can help ground us on a death anniversary and even help us tap into happy memories. Whether it’s the 1st year anniversary, the 50th anniversary, or any year in between, these intentional acts create space to honor your loved one and process your feelings.

7 Steps to Navigate a Death Anniversary

If you’re unsure where to start, my Grief Anniversary Planner is a free tool designed to help you approach the day with intention and care. It provides a structured way to reflect, prepare, and honor your loved one in a meaningful and manageable way. Download your copy here and let it guide you step by step. Remember, there’s no “right” way to honor your loved one—just the way that feels most authentic to you. You’re not alone in this journey.

Here’s an overview of the seven steps it outlines, designed to guide you through this tender day with thoughtfulness and support:

1. Acknowledge Your Grief Reactions

Start by tuning in to how grief is showing up in your life leading up to the anniversary. Are your emotions more intense than usual? Are you noticing physical symptoms like tension, fatigue, or restlessness? Is it affecting your relationships, work, or ability to concentrate?

Naming these reactions helps you understand your needs and make space for self-compassion. Grief isn’t just emotional—it touches every part of your life, and being aware of its impact is the first step to navigating it with care.

2. Reflect on Personal Memories

Take some time to think about the moments and qualities you want to honor. What are the favorite memories you cherish most? Is there a photo memory book you’d like to revisit or a story you want to share?

Looking through my stepdad’s photos is a way to reconnect with his unique perspective on the world. These memories keep his spirit alive and remind me of our love. You might find similar comfort in recalling their favorite foods, a favorite film, or even their quirkiest habits.

3. Gather Meaningful Objects

Objects carry emotional significance and can serve as touchstones throughout the day. Think about the items, scents, or sounds that connect you to your loved one:

• A piece of jewelry or clothing.
• A candle or their favorite song.
• A handwritten note or their favorite flowers.

These small but powerful reminders can evoke their presence and provide comfort. Place them where you can see or hold them as part of your day.

4. Plan for Support

Navigating a death anniversary can be overwhelming, and it’s important to remember you don’t have to do it alone. Support can come in many forms, so think about who or what will provide you the most comfort and understanding.

• Lean on trusted individuals: Identify family members or close friends who can be there for you emotionally or practically. This might mean having someone to talk to, sharing the day with a loved one, or simply knowing they’re a phone call away.
• Seek professional guidance: If the day feels particularly heavy, consider reaching out to a therapist, grief counselor, or spiritual advisor who can provide expert support.

If leaning on your usual circle doesn’t feel right, explore other options:

• Join a grief community: Groups like my Awaken Grief Support Community can connect you with people who genuinely understand. These spaces are designed to offer empathy, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging.
• Find specialized support groups: Look for groups that align with your specific needs, such as those focused on loss due to particular causes, relationships, or life circumstances.

The presence of compassionate, understanding people—whether in person or online—can ease the weight of the day and remind you that you don’t have to carry it all on your own.

5. Create a Ritual or Tradition

Rituals and traditions provide structure and meaning to a death anniversary but serve slightly different purposes.

A ritual is a series of intentional actions performed in a specific order, often within a single event. For example, you might:

• Begin by setting an intention, like lighting a candle or saying a prayer.
• Move into the main activity, such as journaling, meditating, or visiting a place significant to your loved one.
• End with an act of closure, like reflecting on a gratitude statement, sharing a memory, or quietly extinguishing the candle.

Rituals are beneficial for creating a focused, one-time experience that brings emotional grounding and a sense of completion.

On the other hand, a tradition is a repeated act that becomes part of your yearly routine. It might involve:

• Preparing their favorite food on their birthday or death day.
• Hosting an annual gathering with family or friends to share memories.
• Supporting a cause or organization they cared about, such as volunteering at a food bank or making a donation in their name.

While rituals are usually tied to a specific event on the day, traditions can span years, creating a lasting connection to your loved one’s legacy. Both are powerful ways to honor their memory and weave their presence into your life moving forward.

6. Assess Your Coping Tools

The emotions of a death anniversary can be overwhelming, so having a plan for these moments is essential. Write down strategies that help you stay grounded, such as:

• Focusing on your breath.
• Counting backwards from 10 to 1.
• Playing music that soothes or uplifts you.
• Stepping outside for fresh air.
• Calling a friend or loved one for support.

Having these tools ready in your Grief Anniversary Planner ensures you’re prepared for whatever the day brings.

7. Create a Self-Compassion Mantra

Grief can stir up self-criticism or guilt, which is why offering yourself kindness is so important. A self-compassion mantra is a simple phrase you can repeat when emotions feel overwhelming, such as:

• “I am doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”
• “It’s okay to feel this way. I am healing.”
• “I am not alone; love surrounds me.”

Write your mantra down and keep it close as a gentle reminder to treat yourself with the compassion you deserve.

A Community of Support

If navigating a death anniversary feels overwhelming, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to face it alone. In the Awaken Grief Support Community, you’ll find a compassionate space to share your journey, gain insights, and connect with others who truly understand. Whether through live support sessions, guided practices, or heartfelt conversations, Awaken offers the understanding and guidance you need—especially on challenging days like this. It’s a place where your grief is honored, your loved one’s memory is cherished, and your healing is supported every step of the way.

Closing Thoughts

A death anniversary doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. What matters most is that it reflects the love and connection you continue to feel for your loved one. Whether through a quiet ritual, a joyful tradition, or simply taking time for yourself, this day is about honoring the bond that remains.

Take it one step at a time. And remember, it’s okay to feel however you feel—grief is love in its most honest form.