If you're navigating the pain of divorce, it's likely you've encountered references to the so-called "five stages of grief." While the idea of a structured grief process can be comforting, the truth is more complex. Divorce doesn't unfold in a neat, predictable order. And neither does grief.

Instead of guiding people through the process of grief, the five stages can create a false sense of how you're supposed to feel, and when. In the context of divorce, that can lead to guilt, confusion, and even more isolation.

What About the Five Stages of Grief?

I hesitate to even list the five stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—because doing so can unintentionally reinforce a myth that grief follows a universal path. But many people have heard of these terms, and you might even see yourself in some of them.

• Denial Stage: In the early stages of divorce, denial can show up as numbness or disbelief. It's a natural defense mechanism that helps buffer the initial shock.
• Anger Stage: You may feel betrayed, outraged, or furious—at your ex, yourself, the legal system, or even time itself. Anger is a common emotion and part of the emotional fallout of ending a romantic relationship.
• Bargaining Stage: Bargaining in divorce can take many forms: "Maybe we could fix this if..." or "If I had just tried harder..." These thoughts reflect a desire to regain a sense of control.
• Depression Stage: Divorce can come with a wide range of negative emotions, including deep sadness, lack of motivation, and feelings of despair. While this is a normal part of the grieving process, if it affects your daily life over a long period of time, it may signal clinical depression—and support from a licensed therapist or psychiatrist may be helpful.
• Acceptance Stage: Signs of acceptance include making space for a new identity as a single person, reconnecting with aspects of life that bring meaning, and beginning to engage in social activities again. Acceptance doesn’t mean you're happy about what happened; it means you're no longer fighting against reality.

The problem with the stages isn't that these emotions aren't real. It's that you might feel them all at once, or in a completely different order, or not at all. And that's OK.

Divorce Grief Is Disenfranchised Grief

The grief in divorce is real, but often minimized. It doesn’t always include a physical death, but it can involve social death, the collapse of family relationships, the loss of daily rituals, and the dismantling of a chapter of life. The process of divorce often includes a range of complex emotions: feelings of loneliness, guilt, failure, relief, and overwhelm.

This type of grief is what researchers call disenfranchised grief—grief that isn’t fully acknowledged by society. Whether you filed the divorce papers or were blindsided by them, your grief is valid. The emotional pain of divorce can impact every aspect of life: your career goals, your parenting role, your finances, your identity.

Why the "Stages" Don’t Help in the Divorce Process

While it's comforting to think grief has a clear time frame, the reality is that the emotional fallout from divorce rarely follows a set path. Some people feel relief first, then sorrow months later. Others cycle through a coaster of feelings on a regular basis. Many find themselves stuck in the blame game stage or overwhelmed by a feeling of isolation.

The rigid idea of "grief stages" can make it harder to trust your natural process. Worse, it can create shame when your experience doesn't match what you were told to expect.

A Better Way to Support Grief in Divorce

Instead of focusing on what you should be feeling, Navigating Loss invites you to listen to what you are feeling. The book offers evidence-informed, body-based, and mindfulness-centered practices that meet you where you are. Here are some of the exercises that can help:

• Reflecting on Your Disenfranchised Grief (Chapter 1)
  Divorce grief is often overlooked or minimized. This journaling exercise gives you space to name and validate your losses—like shared traditions, financial security, or a sense of identity—so that you no longer have to carry them invisibly.
• Charting Your Grief Timeline (Chapter 2)
  Use this visual exercise to map out the moments of loss that shaped your life—before, during, and after your relationship. Seeing it all laid out can help you identify patterns, build insight, and recognize your resilience.
• Building Healthy Coping Skills (Chapter 3)
  If you’re leaning on habits that numb rather than nurture, this self-reflection practice can help you shift toward coping strategies that actually support your healing, without judgment.
• Somatic Yoga Therapy (Chapter 4)
  Grief shows up in the body. Through accessible, mindful movement, this practice helps you feel grounded, release tension, and reconnect with your body’s natural wisdom.
• Marking Life’s Unseen Milestones (Chapter 6)
  There are moments in divorce—your first holiday alone, the day the papers are finalized—that deserve to be acknowledged. This exercise invites you to honor those emotional turning points through simple rituals that bring presence and meaning.
• Revisiting a Familiar Story in a New Light (Chapter 7)
  If your inner narrative is stuck on blame, regret, or failure, this narrative journaling practice offers a new lens. You’ll reimagine a key moment in your divorce story with more awareness, compassion, and spaciousness.
• Reframing Loss (Chapter 8)
  This exercise helps you shift perspective—not to deny the pain, but to explore how your loss might also hold unexpected opportunities for growth, freedom, or deeper self-knowledge.
• Crafting Your Story to Share (Chapter 9)
  When the time is right, this practice supports you in shaping your experience into a story you can share—whether it’s with a therapist, a friend, or simply on the page. It helps you move from chaos toward coherence.

These practices don’t rush you through the pain of divorce. They help you move through it with honesty and care—at a pace that feels right to you.

You Are Not Alone in This Challenging Time

You don’t have to grieve in isolation. You don’t have to pretend you’re fine. You don’t have to wait until it all makes sense. You are allowed to seek support. Whether you're navigating the divorce process now or still recovering from a difficult time years later, Navigating Loss offers a pathway to begin healing.

If you’d like to explore more, download a free sample chapter from Navigating Loss today.

You can also read my companion article on Divorce Grief: Why Every Loss Deserves Care and explore Divorce Coaching to work one-on-one with me through this major life transition.

Your grief is real. Your healing is possible. And your story is still being written.