When you're navigating grief, finding time for self-care can feel overwhelming. It’s not just about the hours in the day; it’s about the energy and motivation to take care of yourself when life feels so heavy. The truth is, self-care often becomes another thing on the to-do list, something that feels out of reach when you’re just trying to get through each day.

Download The Simple Self-Care Planner

But self-care doesn’t have to be another burden. It’s about gently weaving moments of care and compassion into your life in ways that feel manageable. It’s about acknowledging the resistance—the sense of not having the energy or time—and finding small, meaningful ways to move through it.

Self-care refers to the regular activities that nourish you, refill your cup, and build resilience. It’s about taking intentional actions that support your physical, emotional, and mental well-being, so when tough times strike, you have the resources to cope. Self-care isn’t indulgence or a luxury; it’s a necessity. By consistently engaging in self-care, you’re essentially investing in your ability to weather life’s storms. These small, regular acts of care create a reservoir of strength and calm that you can draw on when you need it most, helping you to navigate difficulties with greater ease and stability.

Barriers to self-care often stem from a combination of external demands and internal beliefs. Externally, busy schedules, caregiving responsibilities, and work commitments can leave little room for personal time, making self-care feel like an unattainable luxury. Internally, feelings of guilt, the belief that self-care is selfish, or a deeply ingrained habit of putting others first can create resistance to prioritizing your own needs.

Understanding Your Resistance to Self-Care

Barriers to self-care often arise from a combination of external demands and internal resistance. Externally, busy schedules, caregiving responsibilities, and work commitments can make self-care seem like an unattainable luxury. Internally, resistance is not laziness or a lack of willpower; it’s a natural response of a body and mind already overwhelmed by the demands of life, especially during grief.

When you're grieving, even the simplest acts of self-care can feel like climbing a mountain, and the thought of adding anything else to your day can be exhausting. This resistance is often rooted in subconscious comfort zones and personality needs shaped by past experiences, habits, and deeply ingrained beliefs. For instance, if you’re used to prioritizing others over yourself, self-care might feel uncomfortable or selfish. If you lean toward perfectionism, you might resist self-care because it doesn’t feel productive enough.

These internal barriers are your mind's way of keeping you in familiar, safe territory, even if that territory isn’t serving your well-being. Understanding this can help you approach self-care with more compassion, recognizing that resistance is not a failure, but a natural response that you can gently work through. The key is to meet yourself where you are.

Start with what feels possible, not what you think you “should” be doing. This isn’t about following a rigid routine; it’s about creating small moments of care that nourish you, even when you’re struggling. By doing so, you can gradually build resilience and make self-care a sustainable part of your life, no matter what challenges you face.

Build Your Resilience with Regular Self-Care Practices

Resilience isn’t about being impervious to pain; it’s about being able to adapt and recover from it. One of the most effective ways to build resilience is by incorporating regular self-care practices into your life. These practices act as a foundation, keeping you grounded and supported even during the most challenging times.

Daily Self-Care: Finding 3-5 Minutes to Ground Yourself

Start with the smallest possible step. Can you find three minutes in your day to sit quietly and breathe? Can you spend a few moments stretching your body when you wake up, or before you go to bed? These are tiny acts, but they can have a big impact on how you feel.

When you approach self-care in these small increments, it becomes more accessible. It doesn’t require a huge amount of time or energy, just a few moments of your day. These small practices help ground you, giving you a brief respite from the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts that grief can bring.

Example Activities:

• Mindful Breathing: Take three minutes to focus on your breath, noticing the sensation of air moving in and out of your body.
• Stretching: Spend a few minutes stretching your body, paying attention to how it feels.
• Gratitude Practice: Write down one thing you’re grateful for, even if it’s just the fact that you got out of bed today.

Weekly Self-Care: Carving Out an Hour for What Nourishes You

Once you’ve found a rhythm with daily self-care, try to carve out an hour each week for something that nourishes you. This might be something creative, like painting or writing, or something physical, like going for a walk or doing yoga. It’s not about being productive; it’s about doing something that feeds your soul.

This hour is your time to step away from the demands of life and focus on what brings you peace and joy. It’s a time to reconnect with yourself, to remember what makes you feel alive. In grief, these moments can be rare, but they’re incredibly important. They remind you that even in the midst of pain, there is still room for beauty and joy.

Example Activities:

• Yoga or Gentle Movement: Move your body in a way that feels good to you, without pushing yourself too hard.
• Creative Expression: Spend time on a creative project that allows you to express yourself without judgment.
• Nature Connection: Take a walk in nature, noticing the sights, sounds, and smells around you.

Monthly Self-Care: Setting Aside a Few Hours for Deeper Care

Each month, set aside a few hours to focus on deeper self-care. This might be a time for reflection, to think about how you’re doing and what you need. It could also be a time to treat yourself to something special, whether it’s a spa day, a new book, or just an afternoon spent doing something you love.

This isn’t about indulgence; it’s about giving yourself permission to take care of your needs. In grief, it’s easy to lose sight of your own well-being. Monthly self-care is a way to check in with yourself, to make sure you’re getting the support you need.

Example Activities:

• Reflection and Journaling: Spend time journaling about your emotions, your needs, and your progress on your grief journey.
• Special Treats: Give yourself something that feels indulgent, whether it’s a spa day, a favorite meal, or a small gift.
• Learning and Growth: Take a class or workshop that interests you, something that helps you grow and learn in a new way.

Yearly Self-Care: Planning at Least Two Days Off

Once a year, aim to plan at least two days dedicated entirely to your renewal. Whether it’s a wellness retreat, a short vacation to a place that brings you joy, or even a staycation where you focus on rest and relaxation, these days are vital for stepping away from the demands of daily life. Grief is a long and challenging journey, and taking this time to reset is crucial. These breaks allow you to step back, breathe, and replenish your energy, ensuring you can continue your journey with greater resilience.

While a week-long getaway in a peaceful, distraction-free place would be ideal, it’s important to make self-care realistic and achievable. If you’re a family caregiver, you might explore options like respite care at a nearby assisted living facility, which can provide you with some much-needed time off.

Example Activities:

• Wellness Retreat: Attend a retreat focused on healing and renewal, giving you the space to reconnect with yourself.
• Vacation: Take a trip to a place that inspires you, somewhere you can relax and enjoy yourself.
• Staycation: Spend time at home, but with the intention of rest and renewal. Turn off your phone, disconnect from work, and focus on what brings you peace.

Download Your Self-Care Planner

To help you implement these practices, I’ve created a Simple Self-Care Planner to help you make this plan reality. This planner is designed to help you reduce resistance and integrate self-care into your daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly routines. It’s a tool to support you in making time for yourself, even when life feels overwhelming.

Remember, self-care isn’t about doing more. It’s about finding what nourishes you, in the time that you have, and allowing yourself to receive that care. Start small, listen to what you need, and let your self-care practices be a source of comfort and support on your grief journey.

For more tools like this, plus live support, Join the Awaken Online Grief Support Program and learn more about how to integrate self-care into your life. Together, we’ll explore practical strategies for nurturing your well-being, even in the midst of life’s challenges.