The grieving process is often described in as part of the five stages of grief (don't get me started), but real-life grief does not unfold in a neat linear fashion. The old way of thinking describes acceptance as a magical final step, a sign that grief is over and life can move on. However, this expectation can create unnecessary pressure and lead to feelings of failure when grief remains an ongoing presence.
Instead of viewing acceptance as the end, what if we begin with it?
What if, rather than fighting against reality, we allowed ourselves to acknowledge what is already here?
Acceptance does not mean we have to like what has happened. It does not mean the pain disappears. Instead, it means being honest with ourselves—recognizing that what we are going through is natural, albeit painful. We accept that this is hard, that we are hurting, that grief is messy, unpredictable, and different for everyone.
In this practice, we will explore what it means to sit with what is, rather than resisting or trying to change it. A guided meditation will help cultivate a sense of presence, followed by a journaling practice to deepen self-awareness and emotional processing.
What Does It Mean to “Sit With What Is”?
Many people in the grief process find themselves caught in cycles of thinking and rumination, replaying painful memories or anticipating future losses. While this is a natural response, it can often amplify distress, leading to intense emotions, anxiety, and even physical symptoms such as fatigue and muscle tension.
Turning to the body—rather than over-identifying with thoughts—can help us reconnect with our natural response to loss. Instead of analyzing grief or searching for meaning, we simply experience what is happening in the present moment.
Sitting with what is means:
- Allowing emotions to arise without labeling them as good or bad.
- Recognizing the body’s signals, such as tightness, heaviness, or restlessness.
- Permitting feelings of sadness, longing, or even relief without judgment.
- Acknowledging that grief is unpredictable, and emotions can shift throughout the day.
Rather than resisting grief or waiting for it to “end,” we can develop gradual acceptance—the understanding that grief will remain a part of our lives, though it will evolve over time.
Why We Resist Acceptance
Many grieving individuals struggle with acceptance because it feels like a betrayal of the person who has died. There is often an underlying fear that if we allow grief to soften, we are somehow letting go or moving on too quickly.
Other common reasons people resist acceptance include:
- The belief that acceptance means forgetting. In reality, acceptance allows us to continue bonds with those we have lost while also engaging in daily life.
- The fear of being consumed by emotions. However, when we allow feelings to surface, they often pass more quickly than when we suppress them.
- Pressure from others to "be okay." Many bereaved persons feel judged by healthcare providers, friends, or family who expect grief to follow a particular time frame.
A Guided Meditation: Noticing Emotions Without Changing Them
Before journaling, I invite you to take a few moments to sit quietly with your emotions through a guided meditation.
Meditation Practice: Sitting With What Is
- Find a quiet space where you can sit or lie down comfortably. Close your eyes or soften your gaze.
- Turn your attention to your breath. Notice its natural rhythm, without trying to control it.
- Observe what emotions are present. Sadness? Anger? Numbness? Fatigue?
- Acknowledge them without trying to change them. Imagine emotions as visitors knocking at your door. Instead of turning them away, simply recognize them:
- "I see you."
- "You are here."
- Return to your breath. Let each feeling exist without judgment or resistance.
This practice does not require you to reach a specific state of mind. Instead, it is about holding space for emotions as they are.
Journaling Prompts: Exploring What You Are Feeling
After meditation, set aside fifteen minutes to write freely using one of these prompts:
- "What am I feeling right now?"
- Describe the emotions present at this moment.
- Where do you feel them in your body?
- How does it feel to witness them without judgment?
- "If my emotions could speak, what would they say?"
- Imagine giving your feelings a voice.
- What might they be trying to tell you?
- What do they need from you?
There is no need to structure your writing perfectly. This is an opportunity for self-reflection, not self-editing.
What Can You Allow?
Acceptance begins with honesty—with acknowledging what is truly happening inside you. The question to ask yourself is: What can I allow?
- Tears. Crying is a natural response to loss, not a sign of weakness.
- Feelings of sadness or anger. These emotions are not problems to be solved but signals that grief is present.
- The need to connect with others. Seeking support from a grief counselor, social worker, or online therapy platform can be essential during a difficult time.
- The need for self-care. Taking breaks, engaging in meaningful activities, and honoring energy levels can help sustain emotional well-being.
Allowing does not mean forcing. It means recognizing what is already happening and meeting it with compassion rather than resistance.
How Acceptance Shifts Over Time
The experience of grief is different for everyone, and acceptance will not happen all at once. Over time, however, many people find that:
- Grief becomes less consuming, though it does not disappear.
- There is a greater ability to engage in daily routines without overwhelming sadness.
- There is a balance between holding onto love and living in the present.
- Special occasions and anniversaries remain difficult, but they can also become moments for reflection and connection.
Each individual experience of grief is unique. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Looking for More Support?
Join Awaken – Free 14-Day Trial
Awaken is an online grief support group offering guided meditations, journaling prompts, and live sessions designed to help you navigate loss.
https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/
Mindfulness & Grief Mastery for Professionals
For those supporting others in grief, this program provides self-care strategies and mindfulness-based tools to share with clients.
https://heatherstang.com/self-care-for-grief-professionals/
Conclusion
Grief does not need to be rushed or resolved. It is a process that unfolds at its own pace.
By making space for emotions without judgment, we begin to shift from resisting grief to allowing it to be part of our lives. This does not mean that grief ends, but that we learn to carry it differently—with presence, self-compassion, and honesty.
Rather than waiting for acceptance to come at the end, we start with it. We begin by acknowledging what is, rather than fighting against it. In doing so, we make room for both grief and the possibility of moments of peace.
