Why Grief Myths Matter in Legal Settings
Grief shows up in estate planning and elder law offices every day, yet many assumptions about grief are shaped by popular culture rather than evidence based understanding. These misconceptions can influence how attorneys interpret client behaviour, how they communicate during difficult conversations, and how they respond when clients appear overwhelmed or emotionally unpredictable.
As a thanatologist, I often hear stories from grieving people who felt misunderstood by professionals who unintentionally relied on outdated ideas about grief. These myths are widespread, so this is not a criticism. It is an invitation to update the framework you use when supporting clients who are navigating loss, stress, or major life transitions. Doing so strengthens your communication, protects your relationship with clients, and supports the legal process itself.
If you have not yet read the first article in this series, you can begin with Grief Is a Legal Matter: Why Lawyers Must Understand Grief.
Myth 1: Grief Happens in Five Stages
The Five Stages of Grief model is one of the most recognized grief theories, yet it was never designed to describe how people grieve after a death. Elisabeth Kubler Ross created the stages to describe emotions of people who were dying, not bereaved individuals. Over time, the model became popular shorthand, but it does not reflect the complexity of real human grief.
Clients may feel relief in one moment and sorrow the next. They may experience anger, confusion, numbness, hope, or exhaustion. These emotions do not occur in order, and they do not resolve in a predictable sequence. When you know this, you are less likely to assume a client should be “further along” or “more composed” than they are.
Myth 2: You Need to Stay Busy or Immerse Yourself in Pain
Many grieving clients feel pressure to keep moving in order to cope. Others are told they must push deeper into their pain to heal. Both extremes can leave clients feeling stuck or ashamed when their experience does not match these expectations.
In reality, grief often moves in waves. Some clients may appear capable and organized one day and overwhelmed the next. Their inner capacity changes moment to moment. Understanding this helps you adjust pacing and avoid interpreting a client’s inconsistency as avoidance or resistance.
Myth 3: Time Heals All Wounds
Time provides perspective, but time alone does not heal grief. What changes over time is a person’s ability to integrate the loss into their life. Some clients may still be deeply affected years later, not because they are doing anything wrong, but because relationships hold emotional meaning that does not follow a schedule.
Clients who are told that they “should be over it by now” often feel misunderstood or silenced, which can make legal conversations more difficult. When you understand this myth, you can create space for clients to express what they need without feeling judged for how long their grief has lasted.
Myth 4: You Need to Cry
Not everyone cries when they are grieving. Some people withdraw, others stay quiet, and many appear calm or businesslike even when they are emotionally overwhelmed. Crying is one expression of grief, not a requirement.
Clients who do not cry may feel invisible or assume that others think they are unaffected. Naming emotions gently, slowing your pace, or checking in with a simple question can help clients express themselves in ways that feel authentic.
Myth 5: You Need to Move On
The idea that people should “move on” from grief is one of the most painful cultural assumptions. Grief does not end. It transforms. People learn to live with the loss while maintaining a continuing bond with the person who died.
Clients who are pressured to move on may struggle to make decisions or feel guilty when they experience moments of relief or happiness. Recognizing this helps you support clients in a way that honors their emotional landscape rather than rushing them through it.
Myth 6: Platitudes Help
Phrases like “At least they lived a long life” or “Everything happens for a reason” are often offered with kindness, but they can minimize a client’s pain. Platitudes can feel like an attempt to correct or dismiss an emotional truth. What clients need most is acknowledgment, not explanations.
Simple statements such as “I can see this is difficult” or “Take your time” communicate far more support.
Myth 7: Grief Has a Correct Timeline
Many clients believe there is a right way to grieve and a specific time frame for doing it. They may judge themselves for not meeting an imagined standard. This can add pressure during estate administration, decision making, or family conflict.
When you understand that grief does not follow a schedule, you can help clients slow down, make steadier choices, and avoid costly mistakes that stem from stress or emotional overload.
Why Debunking These Myths Matters for Legal Professionals
Grief myths shape expectations. When clients believe they should be composed, decisive, or emotionally stable, they may feel embarrassed when grief disrupts their thinking. When legal professionals believe these myths, they may misinterpret client behaviour as resistance, confusion, or lack of cooperation.
A grief informed approach allows you to meet clients where they are rather than where you think they should be. It improves communication, builds trust, and supports clearer decision making throughout the legal process.
To continue with practical tools you can use in your day to day work, read Beyond Legal Advice: Practical Ways to Support Grieving Clients.
Professional Development and Client Support
If you are interested in strengthening grief literacy within your practice, I offer professional development programs for legal teams that want to communicate with clarity and compassion during difficult moments. You can learn more about my Attorney Professional Development Services. I also welcome referrals for clients who may benefit from additional grief support. It is an honor to walk alongside the individuals and families you serve.
